It has been an arduous week. I average 5 hours of sleep every night, feeding rat babies.
There were 3 boys and 1 little girl.
One boy passed on on the second day. Another passed on on the fourth day. I was left with two. One boy and one girl.
The lil’ girl has always been the smallest in size and she also had a broken fore leg. We all thought she would be one of the first to leave us but we were wrong.
I actually named the last boy Sebby (after a good friend I got to know through Gunbound).
Both Sebby and his sister loved to drink milk! They suckled fervently.
The baby girl got into a fit of laboured breathing once. We placed her under oxygen. Once again, we thought that she couldn’t make it again. I remember praying to God to let her live because if she didn’t, Sebby would be so lonely.
Miraculously, God answered my prayers and she once again, managed to pull through.
One night, I had a dream (no, not the Martin L.K type). I dreamt of my maternal grandmother who had passed on when I was 15.
If there is anyone in the family who loved animals as much as I do, it would be her. Many times, she would bring in stray injured birds to care after. She once asked me to get her mealworms as pets. She also cared for my chicks and my rabbits.
In my dream, my mom and Lulu were with me. We were walking along a corridor of a n HDB flat. The corridor was filled with incense smoke and red alters (my granny was a Buddhist). Somehow, I knew which flat to turn into.
On an old sofa sat my beloved grandma. She looked like how I first recognised her when I was still a baby – young. She did not have as many wrinkles nor as much white hair nor as fat as she was in her later days. She was all smiles when she saw me. All I could say was,
“Ah Ma!!! Ah MA!!! AH MAA!!!!!!”
As I shouted for her, tears were streaming down my cheeks. I miss her alot. And oftentimes, I still cannot believe that she was no longer around.
In her ‘flat’, there was a cage.
In the cage, were two rats. These rats were adults, all fat and healthy. They also had wheels to run in. I vaguely remember myself playing with them in the dream.
When I woke up (to feed the rat babies), I found my pillow damp. I must have cried in my sleep.
As I fed Sebby and his sister, I thought that perhaps, the two rats I dreamt of with my granny were them. That perhaps, they would grow to be big and strong.
Yesterday, Sebby and his sister took a turn for the worse. They suddenly refused to drink their milk. They became so shriveled up due to dehydration. We had to administer subcutaneous fluids for both of them. I rushed home to feed them with the older formula which they loved more.
Both of them struggled and once again, refused to drink. Sebby was clearly suffering. He was pale, weak and limp. I cried to see him in such pain.
My thoughts then were, “Why did God have to let him suffer? Why couldn’t God just take him away? He’s so young and innocent.”
My boss replied that it is a dying process. God doesn’t give us easy ways all the time. It doesn’t mean that God wants them to suffer, but it’s the choices that we made and the outcomes of it. Be it good or bad, we have to accept it, because it’s a choice we made.
Sebby left us past midnight this morning.
All the time, we thought that the only girl would not make it. All the time, we were wrong. The smallest, injured, most dehydrated one has outlived the rest.
It hit me that the rats in my dream, are not Sebby and sis. It could have been the two boys that passed on earlier. That my granny is looking after them for me.
Many people wonder why I go through so much to care after a bunch of pests.
When God made Adam, He made him the steward of animals. Jesus may not have resurrected animals. Jesus may not have healed crippled animals. But all the same, He loved animals as He placed his children to be their guardians.
God loved us so much He gave us animals as our earthly companions. Companions that understand us.
To sidetrack a lil’, Benji, Chiyo and Kelly (my cat), are so sensitive to my moods and feelings that they have been very supportive of me this past week.
Benji hugged me as usual. Chiyo seldom hugged me but did so willingly this morning. She also planted many kisses (licks) on my face. Even Kelly, snuggled right next to my cheek at night. We slept cheek to cheek.
We have 60 to 100 year to live. Dogs have 10 to 20. Rats, 2 to 3 at the very most.
What is that small fraction of their lives compared to ours?
Why do I help them? Because I feel that it is my duty. They may be pests to millions of other people. But to me, it’s a life. A life that God created.
I am no saint. But I have decided what I want my life to be – to be a steward to our animal friends. And I will try my utmost best.
Little girl, try your best.
And little boys, it’s been a wonderful, enriching encounter. You always have a special place in my heart, just like my grandmother does. And therefore, you are always close to me. 
